i feel so not happy! when i go out wif dar i cant juz enjoy myself complately!!

ive been tinkin abt tis ting 4 a LONG time.. dar is lk e ideal husband guy..u noe.. he's e last guy kind of guy lar.. L is definitely not e last guy.. plus my parents sure wont lk him..plus i'll get labelled a two timin bitch blahblah.. plus in e end i might not meet another gy that is as nice or love me as much as dar liaos.. there's alot at stake.. but den again.. do i realli wan my last guy to appear now? i mean im still 18 now!! lk 18 come on... it's not that old rt.. but den again... if i decide to gif tis chance up i may b stuck wif dar 4ever..im sorry i used to word stuck but that's how i tink conveys e idea best... anw.. yah..it'll b him 4 life.. will i b contended?? i feel that i haven played enuff...get it/ but i duno if tis side track or takin tis side route would eventually bring me to a dead end or would i switch a few more paths n finally get back to e main road where im travellin on now.. shd i tk e risk? i mean... it's juz how risk averse i m rt.. so it depends on me? but i realli truely dun wan to hurt dar... that's e LAST ting i wana do!!!!!!!!!!!!

yda L came to my rm n we lk toked 4 lk half an hr.. lk quite weird but feels nice.. howwww~ i realli duno wat im goin to do aft exams.. lk how! :(

L did someting again..ydae he helped me buy breakfast..ok lar that was lk nothin lar... but e nite b4 he told me yibao they all watchin sounth park in his rm..den i said i wana watch but i too lazy to go down..actualli it was juz a passin remark.. n he actualli burned e show 4 me... arrr... so sweet!!!!!!!! arr....how...tink i realli lk him abit...n feelin less 4 dar now..which is realli bad... i dun wan to tink abt such stuff durin exams but howww!! i cant control myself! :( i'll haf to face tis aft exams!! which is lk real soon!

there's alot of probs.. firstly dar is realli not a v gd bf..he's a v gd husband though i can predict.. so it's a short term loss n a long term gain.. if i perserve i tink i'll eventually b well off.. but if i choose to side track now.. it means more fun n joy for now.. im sure L wont b my last.. he cant b not that i cant... so i duno.. there's alot of uncertainty..but there's where lies e fun... shit man!! i actualli tot of gettin tog wif L..i mean though he abit lk me doesnt mean he wans to get tog... u noe? haiiss... i need more time!!